... a future oldywed with no regrets

When the Lord joins man and woman, the two as one shall be, yet in the home they share with Him – in faith, the two are three. He multiplies their blessings, their sadness He divides, and for their different dreams and needs, He equally provides. He adds to their fulfillment and takes away their care, and one in Him, their total life abounds with love to spare.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Ashley Madison, a "guaranteed" affair


This is from my blog at work, posted earlier today.  

Fellow reporter, Jason, recently heard about a website, AshleyMadison.com, through a press release he received at work. The site has a banner boasting, “Life is short. Have an affair.” I felt sick to my stomach reading about it.
Ashley Madison is a dating site for married people. It guarantees a “successful” affair within three months of joining for the low price of $249. They promise no one will know, but have a refund policy just in case.
The company started in 2001 and has more than 6.5 million members across the U.S., Canada and the UK.
“In today’s world, life and relationships have become increasingly complicated and boring,” the site says.
It’s not that people don’t care about their partners, it says, just that they “want more” out of them. One woman says having an affair can send a “wake up call” to your partner so he or she will try harder to please you. That’ll teach ’em.
Really? I can think of another way, like communication. Happy relationships aren’t built on selfishness anyway; they aim to love and serve your partner unconditionally. Couples doing that won’t be bored and definitely won’t lose the spark.
But wait, the site isn’t a bad thing. It actually suggests that couples “seek counseling” if they have problems. How thoughtful.
In the FAQ section, it says, “Ashley Madison does not encourage anyone to stray or have an affair, despite our trademark, ‘Life is short, have an affair.’”
I laughed out loud. “Despite what we say, that’s not what we think.”
Ashley Madison claims its role is to “keep clients from taking unnecessary risks and being subject to exposure while they explore the feelings that got them to various websites related to cheating.”
Why get in trouble when you can pay $250 for a discreet cheat? The site wants to make a client’s experience “a positive one” and says it doesn’t make a person more likely to cheat any more than “increasing the availability of glassware contributes to alcoholism.”
Yet, members are required to correspond with other members a certain number of times each month and must provide profile pictures for the first three months of their membership since people with photos are more likely to be contacted.
The president of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, says his site will “increase the likelihood of a successful affair.”
What I don’t get is why people think this type of thing will make them happy, that it’s the answer to a dull marriage. Yes, let’s break the marriage covenant by cheating on our spouses, and everything will be better, life is fulfilling again.
How do people stoop so low to disrespect, dishonor and humiliate their lifelong partners, whether they know about the affair or not? And for what — some temporary, self-centered pleasure on the side?
Why not go away for the weekend and leave the kids with a relative? Cook Thai together and laugh when you mess up? Analyze a stupid movie? Take dance lessons? Fly kites and pretend you’re 10 again?
The same day Jason told me about Ashley Madison, I was listening to the radio on the way to work. The hosts were talking about cheating and brought up one guy who told his wife about dinner with his female co-worker so she wouldn’t suspect him cheating, even though he was.
How dumb, one host said; why not hide it?
I’ve got a better idea: Why not cheat in the first place?
Jason is a single guy with a girlfriend, and I’ve been married for three months. We shook our heads at the site and briefly contemplated not even posting this blog in case we encourage potential Ashley Madison members.
How sad that we even have to think that way, and how disappointing and shameful that so many people think this is OK. The site can guarantee nothing but broken relationships and unhappiness. No affair is a success.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Road trip to MN

Eight states in 24 hours.

Pete and I spent the weekend driving to and from MN for his brother's wedding.

“You drove?!” everyone said when we got there.

Sure did, and saved a few hundred bucks, too. :) From decorating for the groom’s dinner, photos and the actual wedding to packing two cars with gifts and attending the gift opening, it was a whirlwind and I wasn't even the one in white this time. Exhausting and a ton of fun. Plus, I got free fake flowers to bring home.


TRIP UP
Leave 8 p.m. Wednesday, short pit stop in Charlotte.

Hour 1 (9 p.m.): Pete’s idea of a planned route is a sheet of paper with a city name pointing to the next city name. I’m pro-GPS for this trip.
Hour 2 (10 p.m.): Full of Arby’s. Pete discovers it’s hard to dip fries in honey mustard while driving. Listening to “This American Life” podcast and playing with gadgets in rental car. Pete accidentally calls someone when he connects his phone to the car’s Bluetooth device.

Hour 6 (2 a.m.): First stop for gas in Ohio, just over the West Virginia border. Feels good to stand. I’ve been sleeping since the last update. My turn to drive!

Hour 7 (3:30 a.m.): Loving cruise control. Why can’t my ’93 Corolla have this? Lots of fog and signs for deer, not a good combo.

Hour 9 (5 a.m.): Passing Cincinnati on our way to Indiana. When does the sun rise anyway?

Hour 10 (6 a.m.): Pit stop in Indiana. Lots of farms along the highway. Getting the munchies.

Hour 14 (9:30 a.m., now an hour behind): Greetings from Peoria, Illinois! Just passed the Mark Twain Hotel and couldn’t get my camera in time to take a picture. Passed the Indianapolis Speedway earlier, but driving too fast then, too. Addicted to Chickadees, a Goldfish knockoff shaped like chicks.

Hour 15 (10:30 a.m.): Had an hour and a half of work to put in today, typed a couple of stories from the car. Finished just as I was feeling sick from looking down and reading.

Hour 17 (12:30 p.m.): Iowa = endless green corn fields. I’d like to run through one, but attempt pictures instead. Iowa also has the world’s largest truck stop off I-80. Lunch at the Homesteader Travel Plaza. Hour 20 (3:30 p.m.): Empty light on, gas stations 50 miles apart, minor panic. Fill up with 20 miles to spare. Pass a truck of piglets!

Hour 23 (6 p.m.): We’re he-ere!


TRIP BACK
Leave 6:30 p.m. Sunday

Hour 1 (7:30 p.m.): St. Olaf! True to my “Golden Girls” fan status, we stop for pictures at St. Olaf College. Rose Nyland would be proud. Hour 2 (8:30 p.m.): Analyzing a “Something Corporate” song and decide the singer is kind of whiney. Tempted to stop at 24-hour Amish market. About to cross the Mississippi into Wisconsin.

Hour 3 (9:30 p.m.): Break out the Gummi Bears. Establish that my favorite flavor is lemon. Pete is between grape and orange. Full moon!

Hour 5 (11:30 p.m.): Exhausted. What day is it again?

Hour 9 (3:30 a.m.): Got a nap in. Gas station guy said our rental car looks cool.

Hour 11 (6 a.m., back to NC time): Sunrise over Indianapolis. More country radio stations than I expected. Got a picture of the speedway this time!
Hour 15 (noon): Pete fixing his shoe in the car with super glue. Lots of road work signs, no road workers.

Hour 18 (3 p.m.): Virginia. Pete stressed about getting the rental car back in time. A couple of toll roads to pay for the road work not being done.

Hour 21 (6 p.m.): Home sweet home and on time to get the rental back. I need to run 10 miles after sitting all day, but I would do it all over again.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Mini adventure

Today after church, I told Pete that I needed to be out of the house for a while. The majority of my day at work is spent inside, so I need out on the weekends or I'll go crazy.

I suggested going to Landsford Canal State Park in South Carolina, about an hour away, and tired but supportive Pete agreed. I had never been before, but I was sure it would be fun.

Mental picture: A cool breeze blows our hair as we peacefully recline on a grassy embankment overlooking a gently lapping lake or bubbling brook. We chat about life and share trail mix.

Actual picture: We get lost a couple of times before getting out of the car to a muggy 91 degrees. It's so humid that my shirt sticks to my back within 10 minutes and my hair feels like a 15-pound mat on my head. We walk through a few spider webs as I tell Pete this isn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be, reach a "scenic overlook" 3/4 of a mile in where the flowers aren't in bloom, snap a couple of pictures and quickly walk back to the car because I'm a pansy and tired of sweating and shooing away small insects. It starts to rain, and the white chocolate chips in my trail mix melt in the trunk.
"Thanks for getting us out of the house today," Pete tells me on the way home. I give him a look, sigh and tell him he's awesome for coming along. I guess it wouldn't be much of an adventure if everything went as planned.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Thank youed out ... but grateful

I couldn't be more grateful for all the well wishes, gifts and money we got for the wedding -- it really does mean a lot to know so many people care, but I've worked on this second round of thank you notes for a couple of hours now and I've barely made a dent. Counting the first batch, I think I'm on card 72 or something with about 35 to go. I'm tempted to send a mass e-mail, but that's not personal and won't fly. I wonder if other people keep all of their cards like I do.

I guess I can't complain. A short note is the least we can do for the thought and time people put into their gifts. And I have to give kudos to Pete. He wants to help. :)

Alex is getting married in September, and I told her to put thank you cards on her registry. I was kidding, but I think she might have done it.