Pull your pants up

(I wrote this for my blog at work, but we now require people to register, so consider this a freebie.)

***

East Laurinburg is considering an ordinance to ban saggy pants across Scotland County. If passed, it would charge people with indecent exposure if pants (or skirts) are three inches or more below the waistline.

(Also see http://www.fayobserver.com/articles/2010/10/14/1039207?sac=Home)

Other areas around the country have attempted similar rules, met with warnings and rulings that such ordinances would be “unconstitutional” or “discriminatory.” The ACLU says it could lead to racial profiling and limit expression.

Really? What expression is that? I can’t dress myself?

I, for one, have had my fill of guys walking down the street or around the mall, holding their pants up because if they didn’t, they would fall down. Boxers are meant to be worn UNDER clothes, not fully visible to everyone who passes by. Is that supposed to make you look tough? Attract women? I assure you, it does neither.

To make it worse, many of them have belts on! What’s the point if your waistband is at your knees? Why even wear pants?

It reminds me of the Huggies Pull-Ups jingle: “I’m a big kid, look what I can do. I can wear big kid pants, too!” I guess they haven’t heard it.

As for the racial profiling argument, I don’t think it holds water. I have seen many guys of all colors wear pants so low you would think they are male leggings.

I don’t know about wasting valuable court time on all the indecent exposure charges this ordinance could create, but I like Georgia’s approach. In September, the mayor of Dublin signed an ordinance that charges violators $200. Some locals there find saggy pants offensive.

I’m not offended, just annoyed with a twinge of disgust. Some guys wear their pants so low that it’s not much different from walking down the street in just their underwear.

(Fellow reporter, Jason deBruyn, says if you want to look stupid, you should be allowed to.)

If nothing else, a fine just may be for their own good. Think about it: You get a pair of pants that fit and voila! You automatically increase job opportunities and your perceived IQ. Plus, your chances of tripping decline dramatically.

The same kind of thing applies to girls. In college, a girl in my math class often confused a headband for a skirt. I switched seats so I wouldn’t see what underwear she chose for the day.

East Laurinburg’s proposed ordinance doesn’t address the length of skirts, but does speak to hanging too far below the waist, which can also lead to a little show-and-tell. Personally, I’d rather not be privy to my neighbor’s taste in boxers or thongs.

“Mommy, wow! I’m a big kid now!”